Is Your Date Trustworthy?

Intuition counts. If you get a strange feeling about someone, listen to that feeling. Don’t try to explain it away or rationalize it. If something doesn’t seem right, walk away now. It doesn’t matter if you really like the person or if you’ve been talking for a long time. It’s much easier to walk away now than a few weeks or months from now when the person’s real personality emerges.

Look at how your date treats others. Does he hold the door open for others, especially elderly people? How does he treat the serving staff? Are his eyes roaming around making you feel like he’s checking out every other person in the room?

These sorts of things may be red flags of trouble up the road. He’s putting his very best foot forward to impress you today. And yet if he lets little rude behaviors slip through (by being rude to the wait staff, for example), you can bet that when he’s comfortable with you in a few months or years, that’s how he’ll treat you too.

The other thing you’ll want to look for in his conversations are evidence of controlling or blaming behavior.

For example, does he seem to blame all bad things on outside forces? This is especially troubling if you are referring to relationships of any kind. For example, he might blame his boss on the fact that he can’t get ahead at work, and blame his past failed relationships on the other person.

If you see this sort of evidence, walk away after the date. Chances are at some point you’ll become his scapegoat too. You’ll be the one he blames for his unhappiness, your bad relationship, his inability to hold a job. Indeed, this sort of blaming behavior also has the potential to move beyond mere blaming and into the territory of being verbally or emotionally abusive.

Watch for evidence of controlling or jealous behavior, like if he talks about how he always suspected his last few girlfriends cheated on him. Worse yet, if he talks about how he had to start going places with her because she couldn’t be trusted, run away after this date. This sort of relationship simply does not have the potential to become the loving relationship you want.

Past behavior is a pretty good predictor of future behavior. If your date has an erratic employment history, that will probably continue. If your date’s relationships all end really badly, that will probably continue. If he talks about his past girlfriends with venom, that’s how he’ll talk about you some day too.

Remember, your date is on his best behavior during your initial courtship, so you can bet that any trouble spots you see now are just going to magnify the longer you’re in the relationship. If your gut sends up a red flag – whether it’s the first date or you’ve been together for years – walk away. There are plenty of people out there interested in starting a loving relationship with you, without any of the controlling, jealous, blaming, angry games.