Flirting

Flirting Without Sending the Wrong Message

The fine art of flirting is to catch a man’s eye without giving him the wrong impression. That can be a challenge. Watch some old movies like Gone With the Wind. Scarlett O’Hara was a champion flirter.

She gave the guys just enough attention to captivate them but never gave away samples. That’s the kind of flirting that gets you much more than the “voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir” type.

The first rule of flirting involves making eye contact. In North American culture, woman can lock eyes with a man without being considered rude or slutty. Even then, it’s a matter of catching his eye rather than locking on like a tractor beam where he feels uncomfortable.

Accomplished flirters only make eye contact for a few seconds and act is if it was an accident. It’s a matter of perfecting the look that communicates, “I was actually looking for someone else, but you stepped into my line of vision.”

The second rule of flirting is to seem unconcerned about his response. If he read the signal and approaches, fine. If he doesn’t get it the first time, don’t give an instant replay. You might even act surprised that he thought you were interested in him.

Of course since he came over, you’re willing to look him over up close. But don’t appear obvious or desperate, either of which spoils the connection. The third rule of flirting is to wait for him to make the next move.

Don’t keep pouring it on unless you’re just trying to negotiate a price. That’s what it seems like when you’re flirting like a guided missile that’s honing in on a target. Let him be the pursuer - it’s a role he likes.

Guys are willing to take the easy girl, but they don’t tend to come back for more. Let him work at getting your attention. The fourth rule of flirting is to be natural. Once you have his attention, be yourself.

You don’t have to memorize Scarlett O’Hara’s lines to make this work. The flirting was merely to telegraph that you might be interested to see if he’s worth the effort. You can’t keep up an act for long. If it’s the act he wants, then he won’t stay around when you finally reveal yourself. Why waste time for both of you?

The final rule of flirting is to enjoy yourself. It’s certainly among your inalienable rights as a female to flirt. Just remember that as with fishing, flirting can be a pleasant sport - even if you don’t catch anything or if you have to throw back what you caught.